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[ELIZA] [ALL WOMEN]
Ohh, I do I do I do I Hey hey hey hey
Dooo! Hey! Hey hey hey hey
Ohh, I do I do I do I Hey hey hey hey
Dooo! Boy you got me Hey hey hey
[ELIZA AND WOMEN]
Helpless!
Look into your eyes, and the sky’s the limit I’m helpless!
Down for the count, and I’m drownin’ in ‘em
[ELIZA]
I have never been the type to try and grab the spotlight
We were at a revel with some rebels on a hot night
Laughin’ at my sister as she’s dazzling the room
Then you walked in and my heart went “Boom!”
Tryin’ to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom
Everybody’s dancin’ and the band’s top volume
[ELIZA AND WOMEN]
Grind to the rhythm as we wine and dine
[ELIZA]
Grab my sister, and
Whisper, “Yo, this
One’s mine.” [ALL WOMEN]
. Oooh
My sister made her way across
the room to you Oooh
And I got nervous,
thinking “What’s she gonna do?” Oooh
She grabbed you by the arm,
I’m thinkin’ “I’m through” Oooh
Then you look back at me
and suddenly I’m Helpless! Helpless!
Oh, look at those eyes Look into your eyes
. And the sky’s the limit
Oh! I’m
Yeah, I’m Helpless!
Helpless, I know Down for the count
. And I’m drownin’ in ‘em
.
. I’m helpless!
I’m so into you Look into your eyes
I am so into you And the sky’s the limit I’m helpless!
I know I’m down for the count Down for the count
And I’m drownin’ in ‘em. And I’m drownin’ in ‘em.
[HAMILTON]
Where are you taking me?
[ANGELICA]
I’m about to change your life
[HAMILTON]
Then by all means, lead the way
[ELIZA]
Elizabeth Schuyler. It’s a pleasure to meet you
[HAMILTON]
Schuyler?
[ANGELICA]
My sister
[ELIZA]
Thank you for all your service
[HAMILTON]
If it takes fighting a war for us to meet, it will have been worth it
[ANGELICA]
I’ll leave you to it
[ELIZA AND WOMEN]
One week later
[ELIZA]
I’m writin’ a letter nightly
Now my life gets better, every letter that you write me
Laughin’ at my sister, cuz she wants to form a harem
[ANGELICA]
I’m just sayin’, if you really loved me, you would share him
[ELIZA]
Ha!
Two weeks later [ALL WOMEN]
In the living room stressin’ Stressin’
My father’s stone-faced
While you’re asking for his blessin’ Blessin’
I’m dying inside, as
You wine
And dine
And I’m tryin’ not to cry
‘cause there’s nothing
that your mind can’t do Oooh
My father makes his way across the room
To you
I panic for a second, thinking
“we’re through” Oooh
But then he shakes your hand and says
“Be true” Oooh
And you turn back to me, smiling, and I’m
Helpless! Helpless!
. Look into your eyes
. And the sky’s the
. Limit I’m
Helpless! Helpless!
Hoo! Down for the count
. And I’m drownin’ in
. ‘em I’m
. Helpless!
That boy is mine
That boy is mine! Look into your eyes
. And the sky’s the
. Limit I’m
Helpless! Helpless! Helpless!
Down for the count Down for the count
And I’m drownin’ in em And I’m drownin’ in em
.
[HAMILTON]
Eliza, I don’t have a dollar to my name
An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame
All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for Paine
A couple of college credits and my top-notch brain
Insane, your family brings out a different side of me
Peggy confides in me, Angelica tried to take a bite of me
No stress, my love for you is never in doubt
We’ll get a little place in Harlem and we’ll figure it out
I’ve been livin’ without a family since I was a child
My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild
But I’ll never forget my mother’s face, that was real
And long as I’m alive, Eliza, swear to God
You’ll never feel so…
. [ALL WOMEN]
. [ELIZA] Helpless!
[HAMILTON] I do I do I do I do!
Eliza…
. Helpless!
. I do I do I do I do!
I’ve never felt so—
. Helpless!
. Hey, yeah, yeah!
. Down for the count
. I’m down for the count And I’m drownin’ in ‘em
. I’m—
My life is gon’
be fine cuz Helpless!
Eliza’s in it.
. I look into your eyes,
. and the sky’s the limit
. I’m
. Helpless!
. Down for the count
. …drownin’ in ‘em. And I’m drownin’ in ‘em.
(Wedding march plays)
[ALL WOMEN]
In New York, you can be a new man…
In New York, you can be a new man…
In New York, you can be a new man…
Look out 'cause here I come!!!
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum!!!
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies
This is me!!!
Look out 'cause here I come (oh-oh-oh-oh)
Marching on, marching, marching on (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I'm not scared to be seen (oh-oh-oh-oh)
I make no apologies (oh-oh-oh-oh)
This is me
And another one bites the dust
But why can I not conquer love?
And I might've got to be with one
Why not fight this war without weapons?
And I want it and I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
And let's be clear, I trust no one
You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace
Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close
But you won't see me move no more
Cause I've got an elastic heart
I've got an elastic heart
Yeah, I've got an elastic heart
And I will stay up through the night
Let's be clear, I won't close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I walked through fire to save my life
And I want it, I want my life so bad
And I'm doing everything I can
Then another one bites the dust
It's hard to lose a chosen one
You did not break me (You did not break me, no, no)
I'm still fighting for peace
Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close
But you won't see me move no more
Cause I've got an elastic heart
Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close
But you won't see me move no more
Cause I've got an elastic heart
Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
But I may snap when I move close
But you won't see me move no more
Cause I've got an elastic heart
It was a rainy night
When he came into sight,
Standing by the road,
No umbrella, no coat.
So I pulled up alongside
And I offered him a ride.
He accepted with a smile,
So we drove for a while.
I didn't ask him his name,
This lonely boy in the rain.
Fate tell me it's right,
Is this love at first sight?
Please don't make it wrong,
Just stay for the night.
All I wanna do is make love to you
Say you will
You want me too
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to
So we found this hotel,
It was a place I knew well
We made magic that night.
Oh, he did everything, everything right
He brought the woman out of me,
So many times, easily
And in the morning when he woke all
All I left him was a note
I told him
I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
We planted a tree
Now baby don't try to find me,
Please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
You'll always be there
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
I've got lovin' arms to hold on to
Oh, ooh, we made love, love.
Love like strangers
All night long
All night long
Then it happened one day,
We came round the same way
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
But I said please baby, please baby understand
I'm in love with another man
And what he couldn't give me, no no no,
Was the one little thing that you can
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love was all we knew
All I wanna do is make love to you
Come on say you will babe, you want me too
All night long
All night long
All I wanna do
All I wanna do
Say you will
All I wanna do is make love to you
One night of love
When her high heels hit the floor Let her go
When she sashays out the door Let her go
There's an unspoken rule
Every man should know
You can't hold her
If you can't let her go
If she needs time on her own Let her go
Though it means you'll be alone Let her go
Ask anyone who's tried
They'll say it's so
You can't hold her
If you can't let her go
If you can't let her go
How is she gonna know
Just how much she needs you
Just how much she means to you
If you can't be that strong
You're never gonna hold her for very long
If you see her with somebody new Let her go
Walking right in front of you Let her go
Even if it breaks your heart
Don't let it show
'Cause you can't hold her
If you can't let her go
And if you can't hold her
You got to let her go
Dead love couldn't go no further
Proud of and disgusted by her
Push shove, a little bruised and battered
Oh Lord I ain't coming home with you
My life's a bit more colder
Dead wife is what I told her
Brass knife sinks into my shoulder
Oh babe don't know what I'm gonna do
I see my red head, messed bed, tear shed, queen bee
My squeeze
The stage it smells, tells, hell's bells, miss-spells
Knocks me on my knees
It didn't hurt, flirt, blood squirt, stuffed shirt
Hang me on a tree
After I count down, three rounds, in hell I'll be in good company
Dead love couldn't go no further
Proud of and disgusted by her
Push shove, a little bruised and battered
Oh Lord I ain't coming home with you
My life's a bit more colder
Dead wife is what I told her
Brass knife sinks into my shoulder
Oh babe don't know what I'm gonna do
I see my red head, messed bed, tear shed, queen bee
My squeeze
The stage it smells, tells, hell's bells, misspells
Knocks me on my knees
It didn't hurt, flirt, blood squirt, stuffed shirt
Hang me on a tree
After I count down, three rounds, in hell I'll be in good company
When you value those you speak with,
and they value you...
those you share your good news with
becomes strangely proportionate to
those you share your bad news with.
I guess that comes with actually connecting with them
and them showing they give a shit about you, versus you
just needing a distracting placeholder whilst you get over something.
It is strange to feel upset about something and being able to let it go. When someone upsets you for whatever reason, but you can't do anything about it. You can't share how you feel, you can't voice your issue and you can't vent about it, because they are very clear from step one that they have no interest in what you have to say, so you give in, and find it oddly easy to let it go. That is alleviating, so much more so than someone pretending to be interested or invested in what you feel and think. Better because you don't spend countless hours just, listening to yourself voice what you know hurts you while the other pretends they hear a single word you say. It feels worse that way. Because you are being mislead into thinking you matter in some way. With being aware that what you do feel really doesn't concern the person, you find an ease in letting go, and pulling away. Not dwelling on it, not feeling that volcanic buildup withing yourself as your anger keeps revisiting unanswered questions and deflections, because there just aren't any. Heh, it's oddly funny, I admit. You get over it, and them; slowly sure, but definite. Knowing where each stands, in turn, is such a rewarding truth, rather than deceit. And yes, for that one can be appreciative, even in the light of the unfortunate goings-on.
In comparison, a lesser evil.
Still a Cunt thing to do to someone, but, lesser.
I broke down crying today. I sat down and just wept.
I handed off the letter that arrived today to my sisters in the kitchen and let them read it as I walked away to try to keep it together, and I couldn't.
Good things should not be this rare. You'll never know how bad this felt.
Grief never ends...
But it changes.
It's a passage,
Not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of
Weakness, nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.
"Evelyn, Evelyn
why do we bother to stay?
why are you running away?
don't you feel like severing?
everything's just come together at last...
it's broken, I don't want to play!"
Lol. Just recently found this song, it's hypnotic to me.
... drown.
06:38 Jul 20 2017 Times Read: 899
The Devil's Carnival. Deleted Scene.
The ship, it swayed Heave-ho, heave ho! On the dark and stormy blue.
And I held tight to the captain's might As he pulled up his trews.
You haven't slept, Heave-ho, he said In many suns and moons
Oh, I will sleep when we reach shore And pray we get there soon.
He said now hush, love. Here's your gown. There's the bed Lanterns down
But I don't want to go to sleep. In all my dreams I drown
The captain howled Heave-ho, heave-ho! And tied me up with sheets.
A storm is brewing in the South, It's time you go to sleep.
His berth, it rocked Heave-ho, heave-ho The ocean gnashed and moaned.
Like Jonah, we'll be swallowed whole And spat back teeth and bones.
He said now hush, love. Here's your gown There's the bed Lanterns down.
But I don't want to go to sleep In all my dreams I drown.
Captain, Captain! I will do your chores.
I will warm your cot at night And mop your cabin floors.
Scold me, hold me! I'll be yours to keep.
The only thing I beg of you Don't make me go to sleep.
The sky, it flashed Heave-ho, heave-ho His pillow dulled the brink.
The curtains ran between my legs As we began to sink.
I closed my eyes Heave-ho, heave-ho! As the ship was rent and felled.
Eddies in the water headed To the mouth of Hell.
Hush, now, hush, love. Here's your gown There's the bed Lanterns down.
I'm begging you, please wake me up In all my dreams I...
The Devil's Carnival Alleluia
The Down at the Midnight Rectory - Adam Pascal
The Agent:
Down, down, down at the midnight rectory,
we jiggle juice frisking under the marquis.
The Peacocks are strutting behind velvet rope,
sipping away on their heavenly dope...
Down, down, down at the midnight rectory!
We jiggle juice frisking under the marquis!
The Peacocks are strutting behind velvet ropes,
sipping away on their heavenly dope.
Scratchin' the hatch with some sisters and lap-sons,
hand her one, pour us the ones with your daps on.
Surrender yourself doll, get down on your knees,
Let's open the flappers lets ruffle the keys!
Ladies of Virtue:
Am I low enough godaddy? (No no)
Am I low enough god-daddy (No no no)
Am I low enough godaddy?
The Agent:
Well alright! Gimme two alleluia's and an amen.
Ladies of Virtue:
Am I low enough godaddy? (No no)
Am I low enough god-daddy (No no no)
Am I low enough godaddy? (Whoowhee!)
Give me two alleluia's and an amen.
The Agent:
Up, up, up in perch we'll be squeaky swingin'
Standin' on edge just a pidgeon n' wingin'
Down in the boiler with a jitterin puff,
loosen the collars right up to the scruff.
So all of you bred high, down on the make out,
remember the garden, let's wiggle the snake now.
Fiddle the humbugs and howl like a pooch,
give her a swallow of heavenly hooch.
Ladies of Virtue:
Am I low enough godaddy? (No no)
Am I low enough god-daddy (No no no)
Am I low enough godaddy?
The Agent:
Mmhmm, Gimme lordy oh lordy hey lordy my lord!
Ladies of Virtue: Am I low enough godaddy? (No no)
Am I low enough god-daddy (No no no)
Am I low enough godaddy? (Mmhmm!)
Lordy oh lordy hey lordy my lord!
Swing!
OH THE BEHAVIORS. Say it ain't so!!! It's being passive aggressive to attack the hobbies of others and what they care about simply because you don't like them or disagree with every word they type that you can't help yourself from reading.
Actions: Reactions. How I love them so. Fuck, they even ask direct questions at this point. Woo hoo, So much for being over shit and focusing on what truly matters.
Here, allow me. Since it's amusing to all of us, as those of us reading can see, it's a morbid kind of fun eh?
React or don't what you display isn't what tickles me, it's the fact that you are somehow, someway, still irked or invested or whatever cute word you want to use, when it comes to keeping up with anything anyone you "don't give a fuck about" says. Repeating over and over how things are important. Fuck man, not important enough to throw down with the rest of the "nobodies" that you turn your nose up to. The giggles are endless. Read, smirk, react, and nothing can stop you from reading this you selfish cunt. But let's keep pretending that other's don't see it. lol
"Take the high road", "turn the other cheek", Unless it has to do with you.. eh? lmfao. Regurgitate every last idiom you desire, you're still the same. Which makes me wonder, why does someone go through the trouble of expressing just how much they are "blocking, removing, and avoiding " someone, only to... not. lol.
When you're triggered, you're triggered. Some can take that in stride, or actually try to pretend like they aren't. But to belittle other's interests while reacting to something, and dictate to others what truly is "valuable" in this world well, that's a little too much caring for someone removing themselves from the issue, no?
Or was it that it wasn't out of sight, so it sure as fuck was on your mind?
Everything I say here is because there's nowhere else to say it. Why is that? WHO KNOWS.
Wait wait... let me thank the people my life, here, that have been and have helped with serious problems, but I'll thank them on a site they'll never read it on, because THAT"S what matters. That I'm thanking them, for them to never see it, except... people here. Engineered popularity contests are a bitch when you aren't the best dressed, but hey "that's what matters."
But wait... why won't people in real life see the thanks? Because there's an impressive and very real fear of a home imploding from this site ever becoming known by the drug addict you hide it from. Fuck, you even hide it from your fucking kids, but hey, I guess life's fantastic that way. All dolled up and nowhere to go.
Living with a drug addict really makes a person bitter towards humanity, even if they aren't the ones harming them. And lash out like a kid when upset at the slightest thing gone wrong. But hey, an upturned nose is worth two lines, is it not? Maybe a pill? Or perhaps a friend? A lover? Or a good wank over the internet?
Some of us can embrace our actions, and some of us can pretend our actions aren't what they are, in hopes of saving face.
Is yours hot right now?
Let's just say, this is me, being aggressively passive. That work for you?
I really like this journal entry. Sometimes, beings like myself just need to hear the truth outright.
16:39 Jul 14 2017 Times Read: 973
"Trust me" - The Devil's Carnival
You're a tough little tadpole to love
Naughty lilies and lures
Oh, I was knocked to the floor
Never tasted as sweet
A poison as you have
You're an urge that can never be cured
You're a bad little love
And I'm yours
So trust me, trust me
Darling dear
I'm so sincere
There's no need to tear
Trust me, trust me
Honey, do
Just like I trust you
Babe, you're a hard game to catch
You fight and refuse
Oh, you're a wild little bruise
Never tasted as sweet
A poison as you have
You know you never can hide
You're a bad little love
And you're mine
So trust me, trust me
Darling dear
I'm so sincere
There's no need to tear
Trust me, trust me
Darling, do . . .
Just like I trust you
So don't cry, crybaby
All dressed in green
How many kisses do you need?
One for your tummy
One for your cheek
One for the devil inside . . .
Of . . . me
I received some fairly interesting feedback on my July 12 entry. Some of the reactions expressed seemed to have been positive, other's were, well... they were not less than what was expected. Which again, is overall, positive reactions all around. Which is to say, study was positive for reactions lmfao. But what intrigues me, is the unexpected answers that I got. The potential for further conversations is now there, about topics that may or may not help whoever involved; so that, I must say, is the real benefit.
I remember overhearing conversations, sitting back in the shadows where I was kept, silent, nonexistent. Listening to the arguments, the back talk, the snide comments, the harsh exchanges, the brutal honesty when emotions deemed it necessary, and the reality of things said. Why these things were shared with me, I will always question. Because my input, and thought and feelings about them, really never mattered, just as this shouldn't now. Not to the reader, at least.
Vile, hurtful, painful and diminishing exchanges, broke my heart just to heart them... and they weren't even directed at me. The point is, I heard it. I was allowed to. Why again... well that's for that person to come to terms with. Because, if they were ever honest to themselves, they'd used that as a learning tool, not as a weapon. Again, I digress. So yeah, I heard it all, from either party, one was most times, more at fault than the other, yes. I cede many things in light of that. Because I know certain things.
I know behaviors. I know, what I've been told. And I know what I've "witnessed". And... although I'm fairly horrid at math, Putting two and two together isn't all that challenging. In view of one person's actions another's reactions are understood, fascinating isn't it? How that can't ease a person's understanding of why a person does something? Because you allow yourself to be, to the best of your ability, in that persons place. Because you care. And while watching these behaviors, destructive, hurtful, painful and sometimes even malicious, one still sees the humans that are involved. And that is what pained me the most. God, right? Me feeling? Shrug it off hun, that's why this is being read.
Back and forth, it never ceased, for them. It was beyond saddening. I just wished I could make it all better, but I was powerless. Then, I was misled into thinking I could make things better, and well... just wished it. But interesting things happened, things said that repeated and repeated and repeated, and I always had questions, but never any answers. So one would suffer more than the other as I listened to them, listened to the tears, as they tore themselves apart. Then one, one more than one occasion, said something that caught my ear much later on. The destructive actions hurt everything around them, but they... would continue. Nothing could stop them from always making something worse. It was enraging as much as it was heartbreaking. They would set fire to their world, hurt everyone around them... take and take and never listen. If only they had the patience to the other, give them some ease. I hurt as I learned and listened. The other, watching the one lighting their very world ablaze... could only play damage control. And was exhausted. Hurt, broken. Tired of the repetition. But there's no way out of the situation without worse pain, so I sympathized, understood and wished for the best. The fire-starter, as it were, would blame the other for not liking the situation. Use their hatred of the pain in the situation against them. Now that... that is a particular kind of selfish. Something I absolutely never condone. Anyway, I always tried to keep a balance in my mind of my views. The behavior continues, and the tired one... is tired. So tired. Marching on hoping, wishing wanting and yearning for betterment and change...
But still... to this day I find it interesting, that the Fire-starter's very own exact selfish words used in spite of their destructive behavior, towards the tired one... were then inexplicably, trained on me. As the tired one exclaims to me:
"Why are you so angry all the time?"
How selfish can one be? About as selfish as those around.
Stories, I happen to like them; do you? They can be real or fiction, fantastic or plain. They are carry a strange similarity amongst themselves, they have three and one sides. The side that is, the side that is told and the side that is perceived. The rare and illusive side that is, very few people ever know. On the other side of that spectrum is the side of the story everyone knows, because it has been told numerous times. Then, there's what you and I understand once the tale has been shared with us.
We view the world but through the eyes of experience. The shadows and rays of light, land as well as cast very differently from our life's own very angles. Few ever see things exactly the same, that is the price we pay for our individuality. Even the reasons for which we may agree with one another on any topic vastly range in source and values. Which is perfectly normal and expected. With all that wonderful exposition out of the way, I can make my point, that stories invariably, are all listened to or read or absorbed in some way; but that does not mean they are taken for what they are, or ever even meant to be.
Be they a lesson, or perhaps a warning in the prose? That, obviously enough, is dependent of each us.
If so many will see things so varied from our own views, trying to half tell a story, doesn't make much sense. Especially to try to elevate anyone in the process. Let the story be perceived as it is meant to, unless there's an underlying fear there of the truth doing what it does best. In which case, try very much to express the forth side of the story, the side that isn't told... ever.
Don't be scared. It's okay. Who they think you are, will remain just as it always has, if they can live with the truth of who you can be in the dark.
Isn't that like... dropping a plate and goin' erm... i MEANT to do that!
Can't have both bruddah, it's either fate, a grand plan or sheer coincidence.
It's damn easy to sit back say ANYTHING in existence happens "BECAUSE", while believing it, because we have no other option but accept that, or wrack or minds on every other possible "what if"
Why does your "what if" have to oppress and judge mine?
What if... you leave everyone in peace that doesn't share your believe system?
What if... you keep yours in your everyday life while letting others life theirs?
What if... not every little thing on this planet happens for a reason?
Someone pointed out to me that at times, people use the threat of committing suicide, or mention they have thought about it, as a way to manipulate a situation. I find myself agreeing with her. It seems that, in some instances, the frequency in which suicide is threatened, or even mentioned as a common thought, is directly proportional to whether or not these people have recently done something they are being made to own up to.
As someone who has a rather close relation to this topic in its various forms, I absolutely do not take the idea, mention of it lightly. But it pains me to know that there are people out there that do such a thing just for the sake of bringing some idea of pity and empathy towards them during a time they are being held responsible for something. A means of distracting from their blame, and somehow excuse whatever they may have done. It speaks volumes about who they are as a person, and what they won't stop at to confuse a situation.
Depression and suicide far too often go hand in hand, so this is just... wrong. Anything can send a person over, and people both talk and do not talk about having such thoughts. So you never know when and if someone "means" it. Making it a pliable tool in manipulating those they know care too much. It's disgusting, but hey. That's life, there's all kinds of flavors of people. Even repulsive ones.
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